Working for a living. Went back to work today, on a part-time basis. It was hard to leave that cute little baby this morning, but since she and Marc came to Boulder with me and we had a lunchtime rendevous for a nursing session, it wasn't as traumatic for me as it could've been. Knowing that Cora is in the capable, loving hands of her Daddy while I'm at work is the next best thing to having her with me. I know she's being loved on as much, if not more, than when I'm home. And later this week, while Marc is working, I get my turn at staying home with her.
Work is...work. ;) It's nice to see all these familiar faces, get excited about upcoming projects, and feel purposeful and business-like. But, it's a struggle to find the balance in work vs. motherhood. I am not unique in this struggle, of course; however, I never appreciated it as much as I do now. Given my druthers, I honestly think I'd be a full-time mother. For a little while. I've done the career thing for nearly 20 years. It's been great, and I don't feel as though the time has been wasted. Rather, I believe all that experience gained from my various work environments will assist me in creating a new, vibrant, interesting life for myself that puts raising my child at its axis. No doubt about it - I'm a different person than I was before my career and I'm grateful for the years in the workforce. I am convinced my child and I will both benefit from sharing that career-acquired experience.
A new chapter in life sounds fulfilling. I was convinced I'd be bored during these last 4 months I've been away from work. That's not been the case. My world has opened up, even in the month *before* Cora was born, to include those activities I've held on the outer fringes - or merely on the wish list - of my life while I was working full-time. I hope that the part-time schedule I'm on right now will still allow for more of that exploration, while also fulfilling an (admittedly) egotistical space inside me that likes to contribute to our financial bottom line.
I checked out the 2004 Census and learned this:
"The United States had an estimated 5.5 million “stay-at-home” parents last year — 5.4 million moms and 98,000 dads, according to a report released today by the U.S. Census Bureau. It contains the Census Bureau’s first-ever analysis of stay-at-home parents.
Among these stay-at-home parents, 42 percent of mothers and 29 percent of fathers had their own children under age 3 living with them. Thirty-nine percent of mothers and 30 percent of fathers were under age 35."
Other interesting tidbits I found:
51% of women who gave birth to their first child returned to work within four months
Linda Hirshman can kiss my highly educated female ass
15% Increase In Number Of Moms Who Stay at Home
The Return of the Stay-At-Home Mom
Now, I'm not certain it's realistically in my future to be a full-time stay at home mom, but I freely admit that it's one I'd like to explore because I believe I'd find it fulfilling. Different from the way it feels to nail a high-profile presentation or bring a project in on time and under budget. A slow-burn fulfillment instead of a powerful flash of sudden fire. And yet, those organizational and leadership skills will come in handy during motherhood. Those skills won't be lost. They'd simply be re-deployed for another application. For what could be, arguably, an even more high-profile, large impact project.
2 Comments:
I like this post. very close the heart. it's such a personal decision that I judge no one on their decision. some high profile, very successful career women transform unrecognizable after giving birth and become stay-at-home mums. some can't wait to go back to work. I guess you never know how you are going to fell until you feel it. in my case I must admit I have been quite frustrated often times. I wish we had the opportunity to do it like you are doing. I would have been relieved from my motherhood duties which at times are overwhelming in a city where I know no one and while I try to finish my PhD and Ted would have felt the pressure of being the sole financial provider less. But it is what it is and my compensation is that Eren is a health, happy kid and in the bigger picture his well being is more important than my non-existent career. after all he did not ask to be born, it was our decision and we should take the responsibility for it. I am so grateful that we can afford for me not to work for now and it would be more for my mental and psychological health than helping us financially even though the extra income would definitely improve our worsened quality of living with the move to LA.
For a few month I was very frustrated and stressed about the job situation, I wanted to go back but I had to find the time to do the job hunting. I had to put Eren to daycare but I found out that was a more difficult task than one could imagine. Plus as I mentioned I was trying to find time to finish my thesis. When I made the decision to take things one thing at a time: PhD, childcare, job hunting (or job hunting, childcare) I felt more comfortable. Plus I have visited a few family day cares and they were so awful that I said to myself "rather than putting Eren to such a place I'd stay at home as long as it takes".
anyway I will be a Dr.Mom in three weeks time and I'll take life as it comes. If there is one thing I learned from Eren that is living the moment! carpe diem!
forgot to mention... what an adorable picture! such a cutie!
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